“We are terrified, and we are brave. “
Elizabeth Gilbert
Am I the photographer who writes? Am I the writer who takes pictures? Almost 5 years ago I began to blog. Writing would have to be part of it, but I would never, ever call myself a writer…..I would be a photo blogger…..
The first steps were so terrifying that I blogged anonymously. In 2012 I was invited to host the @Ireland twitter account and decided I would have to come out of my shell. Gradually I became comfortable with the tag “blogger,” won a couple of awards for the photography and happily continued.
From the age of about four I had filled lined copybooks with stories (about sad things mostly) illustrated with colouring pencil drawings. Brene Browne says that about 80% of adults have a shaming story from their past of which 50% are about their creativity. Well I too have mine, about “writing” but it happened much later during my teen-age years.
I had written a school essay about a young poet I had a crush on. (He grew up to be the real deal but that’s neither here nor there.) I quoted what I thought was a wonderful line about Dylan Thomas in this essay, “as happy as the grass is green.” To this day I’m not sure whether Dylan Thomas, my poet with the long hair or my 16 year old self actually said that??? Anyway when the essays were given back I was a sick with anticipation. I had gushed, I had strayed from the text we were given, I had shown something of my vulnerability.
Our English Teacher used to stand on the podium, open each essay, bark a result and mutter a short comment. When she came to mine, she didn’t open it or comment. She threw the copy book at me spitting one word, “Trite!” The strongest possible message that I needed to shut up the fledgeling voice which somehow through innocence had gotten loose.
Later she took me aside and gave me a lecture about doing well in the exam and sticking to the tried and tested formulae. I don’t think any of this was done out of meanness at all. It was done out of fear for my future. A girl needed to hide her feelings, know how to protect herself from silly notions and get enough of an education to be employable.
You might think that the Art Teacher was a bit more encouraging as I ended up going to Art College? Strange thing is, I often saw other girls being undermined or “shamed” in similar ways about their art work. By the time I left school I felt both abandoned and free. There was a complete lack of support but there was also a lack of expectation.
For some reason, I never fully gave up on that precious space where I mooched with paint, a camera or even words. Thanks to my English Teacher I moved into the visual world, and thanks to blogging there is now a space to reclaim my love of language too.
Best of both worlds; a brave photographer who writes AND a terrified writer who takes pictures…….
11th October was International Day of the Girl Child #dayofthegirl which reminded me of how precious creativity can be to a young girl.
You can preview my little book on the creative path here
For even more on creativity delve into the brilliant Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert
And special thanks to the Woodland Girl
Thank you, Catherine, for sharing. I still see it in my adult students today–that lasting shame they carry from those early encounters that taught them they were less than in some way.
It's amazing that any of us survive at all. I guess there are many even worse shaming incidents that I could mention, but they still sting…….
"We are terrified and we are brave" … oh, how those words touched my heart as did yours sharing your story of being so open with feelings and writing. I always believe that none of us got out of school without that one teacher who could make such an impression on the rest of our lives with just one word, good or bad.
I'm so happy that you've continued on with photography and blogging, all so wonderful and that's how we came to know each other … forever grateful.
Thank you so much. One of the special benefits has been the connections around the world made through blogging. You Susan have been one of the most friendly and supportive I have met. I'm forever grateful too and touched to be reminded of it (so warmly!!) by you today xx Let's both keep on keepin on…….
both your words and your pictures speak to me.
Blog on!
Thank you dear Diana, Blog On is a great catch cry and I think works for both of us:~)))
I am happy to hear about this special day as girls are still discouraged….I have written about my experiences from teachers….and I'm a teacher. One who hopes she was a bit better encouraging girls. I am glad you are here writing and giving us the beauty of your pictures I hope for years to come.
Thanks Donna, as I went on to teach myself too. I suppose my own experience as a pupil fed into how I did that job. Art is a joy to teach but I often wondered about the kids who never even made it into the Art Class… I myself had to choose between Art and Science…..I think they thought it was a good option for the not so clever!! friend wrote to me yesterday Bright not trite which I loved!! LOL You are very mind :~))
Wonderful post! I especially adore the first image with her little dirty hands! Now I'm off to dive into your links! Thanks!
Thanks Robin, I think you will love Elizabeth Gilbert's book!
Hi Ca! I was having a little wander through your blog for the first time in a while and I just wanted to say I LOVE this post! Hope you're all well! Happy Christmas!
Hi Suri! Lovely to hear from you. I hope your creative work is going well and that you are still hanging in there with it….warts and all!!! Happy Christmas to you too hon x