I hear myself saying- I don’t know what I’m doing. And there’s a freedom in that. I say it, often in the most inappropriate places, only to discover that I’m talking to myself. This phrase soothes me, puts me back on the ground, drags up my humility. Humility which is sometimes in the clutches of strangulating self-confidence.
The old pretence of knowing everything has taken a hike. Even if I could summon up a bit of pretence to get me through, could I even be bothered?
For some introverts and quiet corner lurkers, assuming a role is the best way to get through the working day. Confidence is a covert operation. Standing in the role is like being in disguise. These days I’m wondering how I ever got away with it.
As I learn more about how to unravel from the bureaucracy and the systems thinking, there is a lot of fog. It’s challenging to find where the espionage ends and where the real me begins….
Today I went looking for small details, my version of meditation. Green unfurling, unravelling, decluttering. Looking, seeing, knowing the tiny and the miraculous.
Ferns are loosening from the earth. She is presenting them to me today, like the most exotic jewels. Full of their own potential. In their own time. A natural process.
It’s not the time for hurrying she says. It’s the time for deliberate and slow unfurling. I hope the real me is listening.
Exactly! Oh how I love and feel this. To lose the pretense……this is rest:)
Thanks for this timely beauty:)
My heart thanks you big,
Jennifer
Ah thanks……so I’m not the only one unfurling then……x
Can’t tell you how much I can relate to this post during my unfurling days…it’s a process for sure. And, I recall the ferns speaking to me as well. They are such amazing creatures to photograph, aren’t they!
Weirdly I seem to lurch between dashing around like there is no tomorrow and talking myself down with “you have all the time in the world.” Hilarious stuff!!! Ferns are endlessly wonderful Robin. x
Oh wow – these are such amazing photos.
Thank you Stephanie! Ferns are so weird and wonderful x
I believe you are aware of the unfurling fern and attracted there because of you awareness of your own unfurling, one reflecting the other.
It’s such a beautiful image, like a bud when the first hints of the new leaves appear.
And it doesn’t happen quickly.
Long may you unfurl!
I think that’s it alright Marion! Something about how they disappear so completely each year but always return in abundance….thank you so much for your thoughtful observation. Catherine
Thank you again, Catherine. Your words and photos are so soothing, feels like a long hug <3 Ferns are lovely creatures! Here up north in Norway spring has just begun…longing for everything greeeen 🙂
Ida, is that where you are? Interesting that Saint Ita is the patron saint of Waterford. It is also the oldest Viking City in Ireland. I wonder if her name came from the Norse Ida? I can just imagine that longing for green. We are so lucky to have a wonderful Spring. Although summer could make up for it by being awful!!! We just never know and keep our fingers crossed. Lovely to hear from you. :~)
Thank you for that “connection” 😉 Had to look up Saint Ita; alsow known as Ida, and her name means “thirst for holiness”.. I want to take a trip to Ireland some day, then I have to visit Waterford. I guess I will learn more about our viking heritage over there than here at home.
Ps; the ferns in my garden are finally starting to unfurl 🙂
Smiles and sunshine, Ida <3
Thirst for holiness….well that’s a tall order but fascinating! Yes you would be very welcome in the oldest Viking City in Ireland :~)
Catherine .one of your best post.
My I like the part when you say “. That old pretence of knowing everything has taken a Hike.” Pictures amazing as as away s
Thanks Jimmy! Probably each of us is vulnerable in different ways.But we have all learned so well to look like we know the hell what we are doing!! So I’m taking my lesson in humility with all the grace I can muster. :~))
What a lovely post to come back to after a break offline – exquisite photos and words like a breath of fresh air. Thank you.