To say I’m freaking out would be a slight exaggeration. Let’s just say the reality is sinking in…..
Back in the Spring the idea of an exhibition seemed like a good idea at the time. My self and Kate Quinn would work on it together and we thought we could throw the whole thing together in a couple of months. Then the wagon wheels dragged to a halt when I realised I hadn’t a clue what I was doing!
OK. I have clue what I’m doing on a moment to moment basis. I like to create images in a very present minded way. To be quite honest once these moments have passed I am on to the next thing. I think it comes from having a very tight schedule for so many years. I found myself a bit of a whirling dervish organising and planning my work. My creative time was a dream time. Away from shoulds and have tos.
Since having a year off to muddle and procrastinate I have had to dig a bit deeper to hold it all together. It seems I can’t help but bring a kind of seriousness to everything I do. I wish I could be more chillaxed, less focussed, three sheets to the wind? But now my “serious work” turns out to be this exhibition.
All the mulling and delving in the world couldn’t help me to curate my own work. Literally years of photographic images, amounting to thousands of files cluttered my mind. So green, so wild, so present. No matter how I juggled them, I couldn’t fix on a number. In the end I had to start all over and create a whole specific project for this show.
Kate was always so clear and had a narrative and number of pieces already completed. We found a collaborative way of working. So rather than two entirely separate portfolios we are sharing an underlying theme – blossoming. We also settled on a poem we both liked. This gave me the boundaries I needed and with the help of some helpful friends I began to focus more.
I will not die an unlived life.
I will not live in fear
of falling or catching fire.
I choose to inhabit my days,
to allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid,
more accessible;
to loosen my heart
until it becomes a wing,
a torch, a promise.
I choose to risk my significance,
to live so that which came to me as seed
goes to the next as blossom,
and that which came to me as blossom,
goes on as fruit.
― Dawna Markova, I Will Not Die an Unlived Life: Reclaiming Purpose and Passion
Out went the day to day green, wild images I love. In came the cultivated, exotic and gradually very pink world. Somehow it became the work.
I’m quite disoriented by this whole process. I have been schooled in the minimalist, dark, edgy and obscure version of art. In college the worst thing that could be said to you was that you were making “pretty pictures.” So while the outside world still love Vincent Van Gogh and the Impressionists above all others, the insiders stand guard to ensure that no art student ever goes anywhere near that kind of image. My inner critic is having a flippin conniption! (This TED talk helped!)
Unlearn. Unlearn. Unlearn.
I got some great advice. Work within the space you are exhibiting in, one said. Make sure you can create an impact in the Granary, it is so big, another said. Make your prints bigger, you need more impact, said a third.
My own advice to myself is to continue to revisit the poem and to keep perspective. Look at what’s going on in the world!!!
This was all excellent advice! Here’s an Invitation
I see from your hand that the prints are huge.
And wonder ful.
Good luck!
Thanks Diana, everything about this is way out of my comfort zone! And thank you so much for all your encouragement x
I love the poem and your considerered observations. It sums up exactly where I am with my art. I have constantly had a little art school lecturer sat on my shoulders muttering “really, you think this is art?!” in a derogatory fashion. I have wasted years and years trying to seek approval from this imaginary elitist. Even when I have won numerous awards he was always still there and has caused me untold angst when really I should have been enjoying my creative journey.
So now in my 50’s I’ve thrown/sold/given away all my old work, cancelled exhibtions and am starting afresh. It’s so very scary without my nagging shoulder partner but at long last I feel that wherever I go with my new work will not be time wasted and will echo that beautiful and evocative first line: “I will not die an unlived life”.
I wish you every success with your exhibition and I look forward to more of your insightful diaries.
Hi Claire, it’s so good to hear all that from you!! Sometimes I think it’s just me. Although I know a fair few women who left Art College with far less confidence than when they began, some were even devastated by the experience. Yes the poem really helps, and I’m thrilled to hear that you are doing what the hell you want at last. My spirits were raised by all that you shared. Likewise I wish you every success with that lived life of creativity and fun xx
Fabulous! So very exciting to see how you’ve grown and evolved.
Best of luck…and remember to enjoy every minute!
Ah Marcie, thank you so much! Love that we have been keeping each other company all along the way. I really think now that I will enjoy it all…..and feel lucky….
Thank you for this peek into your process, Catherine, and congratulations on the upcoming exhibition. Your poem reminds me of Twyla Tharp’s creative advice to know the ‘spine’ of your project and to keep coming back to it.
Thank you Kim, your work has certainly inspired me all along the path. It’s nice of you to call my state of mind a “process”! I will write more about it I think, as I have learned a lot on this project. I love that expression to know the spine…..
Your blog post topics are always so timely. Of course I’m not doing any type of exhibition, but I am making a wall in my home a place to showcase my photography. It’s overwhelming with all the decisions and especially when I have the requirement that I need to have the ability to change out the images every few months. Learning lots, but can’t imagine having an exhibition on the horizon…but I know it’ll be a great success for you! Looking forward to more updates!
Ah Robin, the problem of curating your own work. It has seriously wrecked my head, so I know exactly what you mean. The only solution I could find was to limit, and limit some more. Yes will update as I move along with it all. Making a million small decisions…..I had no idea it would be so hard! Good luck!!