Pair of swans, Ballyscanlon Lake
Q. How many Irish Mammies does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Sure don’t mind me I’ll be grand in the dark.
Irish joke
So the snow eventually thawed, although for days it was banked up on both sides of the escape route. I didn’t venture down to the lake but went to the highest vantage point in the house and photographed it from a distance. The air was still, ice. The land cold, dark.
It was the dark I decided to dream with today. Dense black soil, endless shadow and the unknown spaces in between. Even though spirits can be hopeful through the darkest times, maybe it’s only when you’ve come through something that you finally can feel it. The shock, the fear, the gratitude, the vulnerability. A tiny sliver of it opens up every so often. A glimpse.
After an accident it takes time to get your confidence back. For weeks I wouldn’t venture outside. Kept visualising disasters. Ironic and all as it is, there have been a ton of broken bones as a result of the recent snow. My physiotherapist is lining up dozens of them. I keep meeting people on crutches and in slings?! It’s like getting strange messages from the past. Or maybe recognising fellow one handed and one legged aliens adrift in the world of the able bodied.
There is always just one pair of swans on the lake. Even when offspring try to muscle in, they are vamoosed. The male will fly at them, wings flapping furiously and after a few circuits of the perimeter. They are currently nest building again, always a risky business.
I’m trying to be positive about getting better and feeling energetic. I’ve slowed down to what feels like a “safe” pace. It doesn’t suit me. It’s too slow for my creative flow.
So while it is a bit dark, a bit cold, a bit slow, I find these two incredible resilient creatures carrying on. And carrying on is what I’m doing too. Everyday a bit closer to the sun and a more vital pace of life.
So beautiful, Ca! As Sandy Harsh says, ‘Take it easy, but do take it’. xxx
Thanks Mary! Easy does it…….xx
I remember when I first got my cast off of my healed arm, I was so scared of bumping into things or falling again. Time is a wonderful thing though and before I knew it I was out and about in the world, confident and exhaling! I embrace these dark days of spring as well because we know that within 3 months we will all be outside and puttering in the sunshine. I use the time to create. Like today on Vancouver Island it will rain all day so I know it’s a ‘good day to make’! Take good care. The photo is hauntingly beautiful…poor swans in the snow!!
Thank you Kerry. I am picturing you there in the rain….we are both so affected by the weather! I like the idea of using the dark, or the damp, or the mist to make what we need to make. Either to close in and stay warm or wrap up and get right into it! I’m looking forward to that confident and exhaling world again!!
This image is GORGEOUS. You mentioning your lack of confidence reminds me of what I experience when I’m with my 90 year old mother who fractured her shoulder and arm in a fall about a year ago. I’m a nervous wreck when I’m around her thinking one little tumble could just do her in. It’s all very frightening so I understand! Sending thoughts across the pond that your full recovery is soon!
Thank you Robin! Yes I know exactly. My Step Mum (92) went and broke her hip and then followed up by breaking a second hip. It’s quite scary to watch her wobble around! I guess it will take time, and for now at least no dancing on tables! x
Lovely post and so glad you are emulating the swans and proceeding at a serene pace.
Ah that lovely word…serene….well sometimes!! Haha! Thank you so much Angela.
Glad to see you back! The swan photo is beautiful and so is your writing. I remember when you first built this new theme and us laughing about the swan paddling furiously under water metaphor, so I empathise with your frustration at being forced to slow down, that dissonance between what you feel safe to do at the moment and the pace of your creative energy. I recognise the tight, furling feeling that anxiety brings, like a kind of haunting muscle memory or mild PTSD. Hang in there! We had snow again this week. In April! I am so tired of slush.
Sorry for not commenting sooner, but I no longer get emails telling me when you’ve posted. I’ll maybe have to resubscribe.
Hi Janice! Haha….so funny about the swan. Snow again?! Too much already. Thank you for your kind words. I have found that a lot of people don’t get their emails anymore and it seems to something to do with spam and protecting your system from viruses etc. Anyway no problem if you resubscribe. I don’t send a weekly email at the moment. More like one every two weeks. But if you don’t get one try your spam folder and drag it back onto you main email. At least that’s what I do! C.
Just a headsup in case anyone else has experienced the same thing. I found the new post update email in the inbox I use for all things WordPress and Jetpack, so it’s either Jetpack being overzealous, or a setting I’ve activated or changed without realising; I don’t think I’ve ever subscribed to blogs with that address. I have one especially for blog alerts and the newslettersetc I download to read.
That’s interesting Janet. There are two ways to sign up one through Jetpack for WP users and one through MailChimp directly on this site. To be honest….I’m not sure I understand any of it! Thanks!!
Beautiful post as always Catherine. The dark imagery, then scrolling down to see those majestic swans bathed in light, wondrous. . You will get stronger, a little fear is good, protects from further falls, a reminder that we need to be kind to our body. Equally we can change our perception, just like the contrasts in your photograph. All is well; take good care of yourself, happy week Xx
Thank you dear Pat! Every day a little stronger. I waltzed out of the hospital delighted with myself. This was quickly followed by a panic attack about a truck hurtling towards me with a heavy load. Anxiety is a strange animal……but I make friends with most of those too! Happy week Pat and apologies for the delay in responding. I guess I was offline a lot….which is actually a good sign!
Scrolling too fast to get to your post … I missed those pink blushed clouds on the header. The light!
Ah Diane thanks! It’s always important to find the warm blush light in the dark!