“Hope” is the thing with feathers by Emily Dickinson
Great tit breakfast
Cock Blackbird
Blue Tit leaving the feast
It’s almost two weeks. The bear claws are healing up. The biggest challenge so far has been managing the pain.
It’s a strange one waking up with these two useless painful arms. In my dream world I’ve sometimes forgotten. As I’m waking my mind is wondering what the hell has happened? The left arm is weighed down with a rigid cast. First thing in the morning it’s like a huge weight is pressing on me. The right hand is doing great but has turned every colour under the rainbow.
Funny how our instincts are always alive and kicking. I’m relying a lot on my phone at the moment. I’m even keeping it in my pocket just in case. In case of what? It’s something I don’t normally entertain but it might be in case of accidents!!!
Anyway I was just about to charge it when it slipped off the table. The last thing I need is a smashed phone. I’ve done that a few times. So the left hand instinctively reached out to grab it. Oh ouch, I said, or words to that effect! I’m cursing like a sailor, as my Grandmother used to say.
These are some of the small lessons that I’m learning day to day. If I start to feel panicky it means the pain has passed the threshold that I can bear. If I see something nice to eat in a jar that needs unscrewing, or a packet that needs tearing, or a can that needs opening, especially to add some mayonnaise to my lunch…. ignore! If I need to carry something upstairs forget it, strap on a small bag and carry everything in that. But hardest one of all, I can’t hold up my camera.
Luckily I work from home. I have everything I need within reach. I even fixed the camera on top of a few cushions so I can snap the birds enjoying their breakfast. Today I went outside for a while. I picked the frail dying stalks of oregano, lavender and fennel. There is still the mildest scent from their twiggy remains. Dead things are quite beautiful.
My friends and followers here on the blog and on social media have been so kind and thoughtful. People are simply amazing in a crisis, offering to make things, pick me up and bring me somewhere, come and chat. To be honest I’m not up to it. I imagine in a couple of weeks I’ll be chomping at the bit. I so look forward to seeing real human beings again and enjoying some normality!
This morning I stood at the window watching the morning sun spread across the lakeside fields. The sun catches the tops of the trees first and then slips down to the grass as if pulling their blankets off. It might not be the most practical situation living in the middle of a meadow, down a long lane, but it certainly has morning magic.
As himself headed off we agreed that as little kids this is what we would have dreamt of. It’s not for everyone, but rural life can be filled with so much light and beauty changing and inspiring by the moment. Some people fancy a spa or a luxurious hotel. I feel blessed just to have this day and to find the beauty and joy in it.
I’m on the mend. Thank you for your kind wishes, messages and tweets. Now let’s all keep on keeping on, embracing the day. Finding hope.
Admire that you HAVE, found a way to use your camera!
I seem to have an inner drive to both survive and thrive. Bread and Roses! And a lot of that thriving includes looking through a lens……Haha! x
And in spite of the pain you still manage to post beautiful pictures of your feathered friends to brighten the days of those of us who sit here thinking and wondering about you. Hopefully the pain can be managed as it makes the inability to do things like getting at the mayonnaise ten times worse! Take the pills if you have them! Be patient, enjoy the birdies and the view and the lovely light. Make plans. Dream dreams and be gentle with yourself! Keep going!
Yes keep going! That’s the key thing. I notice I have been incredibly busy drowning out the pain and the facts. Now I am finding more ease and able to settle into the rest. The birds have saved the day! It’s always so good to have some one else to look after. Thank you so much Angela for your wisdom today, no doubt based on experience!
It must be some trial… But at least each photo will have been given a lot of thought 🙂
Its true, it has slowed everything right down, and there’s more time to really see….and think. Thanks!
Aw these garden birds are lovely Catherine. Brilliant that you’ve managed to be still and observe so closely, carefully. Keep healing. Sending love. XXX
Thank you dear Pat! I am learning patience but also gratitude in huge swells. Just a lucky escape I keep thinking…..could have been so much worse. And at this stage I have one set of fully functioning fingers plus a few more coming along very nicely!! On the mend!! xx
Glad to read you are on the mend!! Lovely images!
Thanks Robin, I’m currently travelling by proxy via your Instagram!
Hope as a constant is a wondorous thought. That piece of poetry from Emily Dickenson has sustained me for the last few years. I have a small charm with some of those words that I wear when days are bad. May your healing be swift!
Thank you so much Mary, what a wonderful image “small charm with some of those words that I wear when days are bad.” I think you have put it perfectly. I’m certainly healing, but my job now is to be patient….not always easy???!!!
You my friend give me hope and perspective for life….I am blessed to know you! Sending lots of healing hugs your way….